Becoming a mother changes your friendships
By Jenna Yates, Tracey Murray and Veronica Sams
Kerrie and I met right as she was about to become a mum but our friendship only really developed once she returned to work. We connected in between news bulletins at the radio station we both worked at… turning what was often a stressful and emotionally draining job, into fun. We didn’t really discuss the 1-year-old that Kerrie went home to, and now I’m a mum myself I realise how strange that is. I wish I was a better support.
But truthfully, aside from now having a podcast together about motherhood, our friendship has never really been about being mums. We’ve had a handful of playdates with the kids but we’ve mostly caught up after bedtime over dinner and a glass of bubbles.
Just like Lise & Sarah said in a recent episode we shared, it’s been more about the departure from motherhood for us. Of course, we each have many other kinds of mum friends that make up our village of support, and I think they’re all so needed. Here are a two stories from our listeners highlighting just that…
Tracey’s story: My best friend, Ash and I have known each other since High School. We are soul mates through and through, with similar interests and personalities… we understand each other on a deep level.
Over the years our friendship has overcome living in separate countries (twice!), navigating mental health problems, a divorce and three children.
When I became a Mother, there was definitely a shift that occurred between us. Ash became an Aunty/fairy godmother and took to this role like a duck to water. My children love her just as much as I do and she loves them like her own. In a way it deepened our friendship and we became more like family.
Naturally, we couldn't hang out as much as we used to and some of our catch ups included small children interrupting our conversations, but we made it work. Initially during our catch ups, Ash would come to my house because it was easier for me this way and I really appreciated her effort doing this. But I recognised that we both needed to make an effort for the friendship, so I ensured we also caught up without the kids around.
Whilst she loves and adores my children, she also deserves to have my full attention.
Ve’s story: Navigating friendship in motherhood has been a rollercoaster—full of ups and downs.
I started this wild journey at 16, and let me tell you, I lost a lot of friends back then. But the ones who stuck around? They’re still my besties today.
They became my kids’ “aunties,” even though our lives couldn’t have been more different. They were carefree teens and young adults, while I was, well, figuring out how to keep a tiny human alive.
Finding mom friends was like hunting for a unicorn. I was always the youngest mom in the room, feeling like the odd one out because my life looked nothing like theirs. One mom, who was much older but had her first child as a teen, was a lifesaver.
Our kids were friends, and so were we. She got me—no judgment, just kindness. But when our kids stopped being friends, so did we. It felt so lonely not having mom friends who truly understood.
Having friends who are different from you and still love you is wonderful, but sometimes you need someone who just gets it. Someone who isn’t your husband or mom. Now, at 30, my best friends are having kids, and I’m meeting a lot more moms online who just get it. Having those friends is like a breath of fresh air. It’s so validating and reassuring, making me feel like I’m not a terrible mom whose kids deserve better. These mom friends share my struggles and inner thoughts. Every conversation feels like a hug.
I’ve been yearning for this acceptance and community for 14 years. Motherhood is chaotic, and having a supportive community is so important—but so hard to find. For all the moms out there, finding your tribe might be a challenge, but when you do, it’s like finding a lighthouse in the storm.
Listen to our friendship episode with Lise & Sarah, ‘finding your mum squad’ here.
